I had a day yesterday. Yea, I know, most of us had a day yesterday, but I had one of THOSE days.
I will confess, I can be a bit of a pile-it. Hey, it’s my filing system until I take the time to actually FILE things. I’ve been waiting on another developer to provide information so that I can finish a project so decided while I waited that I would take time to get thru the ‘piles’ in my office (college piles, AP testing piles, bills, annulment papers, magazines, etc.).
As I was opening bank statements and such and filing the contents, I came to what I thought was my son’s financial aid application confirmation. I had completed it online, and thought I had crossed all of my t’s and dotted all of my i’s so hadn’t opened it. Turns out, I needed to provide more information. ACK!!!
I typically handle stress pretty well, but I was immediately sick to my stomach. It wasn’t just that I had to get some ‘business’ taken care of, it was also that I felt stupid and like a ‘bad mom’ for not opening the envelope. (I’m really good at the ‘Gina beats Gina up’ game.) I have no doubt that my hormones and other little ‘life stressors’ were giving my anxiety a ‘power boost’ but the bottom line is, I was in a bit of a panic.
Then, I hear that still small voice. (Yea, I hear voices. Feel free to suggest that I get committed.)
“Be at peace, my child. I’ve got this.”
My reply: “REALLY? Because it doesn’t feel like you’ve got this.”
Welcome to your very own “Jesus sleeping in the boat” moment I thought to myself. [Mark 4:35-41] Here I am, panicking at the STORM I feel that I’m experiencing, and it felt like HE was sleeping. Until, that is, I hear His voice. “Be at peace.”
I began taking deep breaths and asked myself, why am I so fearful? How is it that I have so little faith? Yet, I still continued to hold on so tight to my anxiety that, if they existed, I surely had emotional white knuckles.
Finally, I remembered that my son had a therapy session that day and that I could borrow a few minutes from his session to touch base with the therapist. And then I remembered that I was having dinner with a sweet family friend that I adore.
I loosened the grip I had on that anxiety and started counting my blessings.
Even when I have no faith, God is faithful. [Lamentations 3:22-23] How cool is that?!