No Pushing!

iStock_000012374959XSmallThis morning was like every other school morning.  The alarm goes off, and I hit snooze.  The alarm goes off again, and I reluctantly roll out of bed to go wake my youngest son for school. I then turn on the TV, straighten up the kitchen and living room and get my son breakfast while I listen to the news.

As I wiped the counter-top in the kitchen, I listened to the reporter describe the Connecticut massacre shooter’s personality and what they knew of his home life.   My heart sunk as I started to recognize the personality traits: “Socially challenged” “Anxious” “Painfully Shy” “Intelligent” “Nerdy” “Remote”

I couldn’t help but think: “He had Asperger’s.” Within seconds, the reporter echoed my thoughts.

As a mom of a child with Asperger’s, I know what it is like when you PUSH.  I’m not saying the shooter’s mom pushed, I’m just saying that I know what it’s like.

As a mom of a child with Asperger’s, I know how it makes the child feel to be made fun of.  To feel like he doesn’t belong. To feel alone in a room full of people.

I’ve been accused of being too easy on my son.  Of protecting him.  Of enabling him.

I’m possibly guilty as charged, but I’m guilty because I have witnessed what happens when I push.  I’ve heard the rants, the anger, the disappointment and sadness that he feels when no one can relate to him.  I’ve watched my son curl up in a ball on his bed for days on end because his anxiety left him feeling like he just. couldn’t. face the day.

It’s a balancing act with these kiddos. A fine line that begs consummate care while treading upon.

Patience.  Compassion. Love.

Though my first reaction to the massacre was “unfathomable,” I have to confess that I now somewhat understand.

MSN reports, “Experts: No link between Asperger’s, school shooting.” Regardless of what the experts say, the shooter was, no doubt, mentally ill. I dare to guess that he felt ‘pushed.’

As the stories continue to surface, I pray for compassion, understanding, love and forgiveness for all.

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a note from gina…

PLEASE pardon my 'mess'... I'm still fine-tuning the graphics and the content and, well... Let's just say I shouldn't have invited "company" in just yet, but I got too excited!

That said...I am so glad you're here!!